Tinkerbell is gone *sob*

So Tinkerbell went off to be a trucker this weekend and I don't know when he'll be back in town. I think I miss my little brother already. It's strange. Our family has never been really close. We don't have to talk to each other everyday and we normally only call once a week or so - sometimes just to make sure the other is still breathing.

I've always been envious of really close families who can share everything with each other, but I'm not sure that's my family. I love my little brother for the strange, hot tempered, and crazy person he is though and I'm missing him. I just hope he takes good care of himself while doing trucker things.

While I was checking out my profile on everydayhealth.com today, I re-entered my weight, height yadah-yadah into the Calorie Calculator and apparently the number of calories I can have has gone down....my god. To lose a pound a week without making any changes to my lifestyle, I would have to limit my calories to 1350 per day. So far I've been following a 1600 cal/day plan it's been working. I'm gonna keep following that and just up the amount of exercise I'm doing. I just don't think I have the will power or proper nutrional knowledge to make 1350 calories a day work for me and stay healthy.

I wanna lose this weight, but I'm not ready to kill myself over it. bah!

Special Request Update!

This goes out to mamma-sis, who I don't talk to as much as I want to!

My pants are still falling. I've officially lost 20 pounds and I'm keeping it going. Here's to the next 20. But first, I'm going for 10...one day at a time.

I woke up this morning feeling very discouraged, actually. After being blue for a while, I just got up and went on with the calorie counting and exercise. It's not a lot, but it's gotten me this far - so worth it.

Monday Miss Tigger had a visit with the dentist and she wasn't happy with me. They had to sedate her just to get her back into her box so she was walkin like some drunk when we got back home. Reminded me of some friends of mine who crawl into my place at 3 in the morning cause I'm closer than home.... ;p tehe. I need to start taking pictures. Um. :)

Last week I watched "La Dolce Vita" and tonight I got "Highlander" from netflix (I LOVE NETFLIX). I'm not much of a fan of either of these movies...for various reasons. They aren't bad...just not my flavor. I'm expecting "Mrs. Brown" tomorrow with my all time favorite actress - Judi Dench. She's just so awesome! I'm looking forward to it. I also got a new anime coming and I'm hoping it washes the bad taste of Trinity Blood out of my mouth :) (vampire pun intended) .

I got some tunes by "White Tie Affair" and "the Veronicas" and I'm lovin 'em. Lady Gaga is still at the top of my workout playlist, though.

The amount of writing I'm doing is dismal. I'm having a hard time with a short segment of the last part. It's got me all frustrated and although I stepped away for a while, it's not better. I just have to push forward and get this book finished.

Tonight I took my nightly walk and reflected back on the past few years. A little over a year ago I pushed someone out of my life because I couldn't express my needs and my fears. I'm not sure if I've grown enough to where I could say what I need to say - but I kinda wish that I could just tell him a few things and properly explain what was going on in my head at the time. At this point, I just pray that he's alright and breathing. I don't know why I'm thinking of him - maybe it's the new Transformers movie that's being made - he loved that stuff and it reminds me of the goofy/silly times when things weren't so serious. I'm kinda looking forward to the 2nd movie myself...it will be really bittersweet in a way.

The Corset Ball at Elysium was a blast! I'm looking forward and dreading the photos from that night...for various reasons. I'm just thankful that I was too broke to drink...it was really fun anyway. Although I'm excited about the weight I've lost, I'm kinda sad because my corset didn't fit very well and I'm gonna have to figure out how to alter it if I wanna keep it. That's gonna be a weekend project.

Class is going so-so. I can't believe the instructor - she is very disorganized and doesn't use blackboard! I'm judging - but I paid for this course and it's really peeving me off. Also, she's delusional. No knowledge of grammar needed, my butt! I get to relearn everything from sixth grade all over again without a proper text book for it...*grumbles*

Oh, I'm loving my sock-monkey house slippers! I gotta take pictures... :)

Not the most delightful method...and my dream e-reader

Well, it's official: I'm now 20 pounds lighter. But that's only because I got sick as a dog yesterday and couldn't keep any food down. Now, I barely have a desire for food at all.

I'm not sure what happened or if I got sick off something I ate or caught some stomach flu thing. I woke up in the middle of the night and the porcelain bus ride began. I wasn't able to eat or drink anything for nearly 9 hours. It sucked!

Now, some of the new clothes I bought just two days ago won't fit. Damn! If this wasn't a good thing, I'd be really peeved off.

Different subject: The Amazon Kindle.

I'm not sure if I can lay down $400 bucks for a digital book e-reader - but I sure wish I could. Right now, books are taking over the apartment and I'd LOVE to just have all my books in some slim, digital casing.

The only draw back seems to be some weird design problems and the fact that the Kindle can only hold 200 books titles.....that's just not enough! It would be alright if I could transfer the files onto a backup drive and just bring them back over to the kindle if I wanted to read them again. This is a purchase for when I get a better job...it's just so nice to think about not having to trip over books anymore. Le sob!

My Pants are Falling!

I've gone down 2 pant sizes - from a 22 to an 18. My normal "skinny day" pants are loose and my "fat day" pants look like a circus tent on me. I feel so good knowing that I could house homeless clowns - in my pants. Somehow that sounds wrong.

I've taken three trash bags of clothes to Goodwill over the last week. Part of that is trying to fit all my stuff into my new apartment, but for the most part - my clothes don't fit anymore!

After buying three new and different sized pairs of jeans, I've already given two of them away. This kinda sucks but....awesome at the same time. I'm now fitting into a size 18....I can't remember the last time that happened. I'm also down 15 pounds!!!

I can't really say exercise had really had much to do with this - most of it is calorie counting. At the size I was, I was having a hard time exercising, actually. My foot, which I injured two years ago, kept feeling "off" and I was really afraid of doing more damage. But when I went to the gym last night and walked, I felt so much lighter and my foot was just fine. Now I get to go back and start muscle building since I've reached this far.

I sort of wish I could still afford to go to my personal trainer, Felicia. She knew how to kick my butt and gave me arm muscles. Le sigh. Maybe if I can get a better job soon...

If I can reach 220 by the end of this month, it will be fab-u-los. And if I can get to 200 or 180 by my birthday...even better. But I'm just reaching one week at a time right now.

MY PANTS ARE FALLING!

Stuck in Twilight

So I lied. I didn't mean to do it, but I did. I'm going ahead and taking a class this semester. But it's a Grammar and Writing Style course - so I doubt it will be THAT stressfull. It will even help with my personal and business writing, and that's not a bad thing.



I'm engrossed in the Twilight saga. Thanks to Big Sir. I'll probably have book 4 finished by the end of the week (depending upon how obsessive I get).



Last night, when I was falling asleep - I was re-reading passages in my head. It was like my thoughts took the format of the book and I was THINKING in terms of the author's writing style. That's never happened to me before. It was really freaky and highly annoying.



I've managed to finish reading 6 books in 2 weeks - something I've never been able to do before. My guess is they were just good books and I couldn't put them down. Sharon Shinn has a really easy writing style so I was able to finish her "TwBut all the reading has hurt my exercise schedule. The only good news is that I've managed to only gain 1 pound over the holidays - which is a small victory.



With moving and unpacking, and my place looking like a storage unit, it's been hard sticking to a food and work out plan. Last night I went to the gym for the first time in nearly two weeks. Not too upset about that, but it's time to get back to the plan.

Happy Holidays (big move)

So, I looked at the scale this morning and nothing much has been achieved. But, overall, I'm down 12 pounds.


I'm moving in two weeks and I keep looking at all my stuff and thinking, "How the **** did I get this much junk?" What makes the situation worse is that I never use half of it!

Am I materialistic? You bet. I'm a pack-rat, like my dad. That fact makes me cringe. But there's a sunny side to this situation. Since I have to move into a smaller space, I'm being forced to get rid of a lot of my "baggage". I don't need all the junk I have and it's freeing to clear out everything.

After the move, I'm getting back to work on my book. In some ways, it was hard to have to stop before I got to finish the first rough draft, but over the past three months I've had time to reflect on the story and I think I can make it even better now. One of the main characters was sort of one-sided and a little more "helpless victim" than I intended her to be. I wasn't sure how to fix that at the time, but I have a better idea of who she is now.

The other main character was also a little mixed up, although I had a clearer image of him in my head. Over all, I got more writing done than I thought I could, so I'm proud of that alone. I'm really looking forward to finishing the book though. I'm not sure if this book will ever be published or shared outside my small circle of friends, but I want to finish this for myself. I want to know I can do something and finish it.

Last night I went to the Trail of lights with Chrissy and her family. It was a lot of fun getting to spend some time with the munchkins . I've barely seen them since they were born and it kinda hurts that they don't know me. But, that's how it's been and I just want to change that now. Boozie wasn't able to come cause of being sick and that was kind of a downer.

I've always been sick of not knowing my family and being in the dark about everything that's been going on. It's always made me really uncomfortable "feeling" like things were being hidden from me, kept behind my back. I've always known there were more to things than I was being told and it always pissed me off. One of my pet peeves has always been being treated like a child. I know they probably had good reasons to keep me in the dark and were trying to protect me, but its always uncomfortable and maddening to be the only person in the room who doesn't know what the **** is going on.

I'm not sure if knowing is better or not, it's still to new. But I feel "equipped" and able to make better decisions. Maybe it will be easier now and I'll no longer feel like I'm going into unknown territory unprepared when I meet with my family.

Keys

FYI - I found my keys - in my nail polish bag.

I was so out of it last night, that I slipped my keys into the nail polish bags I keep on the handle of my bathroom door. WTF??

Odd and more odd.